Fear and Loathing in Puerto Rico

It never got weird enough for meToday, I'm going to try something a little bit different. Lately I've been feeling a presence. A spirit, loafing around my keyboard urging me to put my fingers on to the keys. It's making me go to read more and more news stories about the case against Governor Anibal Acevedo Vila. It's gotten to the point were I just can't resist anymore. But I think I know who it might be, so I'm going to go on a hunch here. I'm going to just let go and let it (him) take over. So here goes nothing....

....Well I should be in the mood for this now. I've finished most of a bottle of Wild Turkey and as I'm trying to light these candles around my computer, the lighter seems to swim before my face. Now let's just flick off the lights and I should be just about set. Oh yeah, and I can't forget the magical mantra "Fear and Loathing". Repeat it with me "Fear and Loathing in San Juan." Holy crap what's happening? The candles all just went out with a sudden gust of wind, now where did I set down that lighter?

Ho ho. Hey all you rubes I'm back. And I got to say, not a minute too late. Well, well, look who's joined the big leagues. Way back, I knew there was something magical about this place, or that might have been all of the mushrooms that the locals were always feeding me. A steady stream of offerings from the locals. It made me think that I was a King, or was I a God in their eyes?

So with memories of dancing lizards and vivid golden calves melting into the sunrise off of the Isla Verde coast, I'm back in Puerto Rico. So who would of thought it possible? Nearly 50 years after my departure, Puerto Rico, the subject of my great discontent, would grow up to become involved in a major political corruption scandal. Well let's cut to the chase people. Be afraid Puerto Rico. Hunter S. Thompson is here, and know this! This is going to get very strange. And I wouldn't be surprised if a few virgins soon go missing. There will be sacrifices necessary from all sides and great strangeness, on a scale never before seen, is coming. So don't let your kids out of your sight. Lock them up at night and bolt all of the doors and windows.

Yes, things are about to get really strange. I can see it now. Brother hating brother. Fathers disowning their children, wild nasty craziness that gets blood spilled into the street. Enough blood to sweep away the garbage that will left behind as the country decays into first civil unrest and then civil disturbance, and only then will the National Guard be able to keep things barely under control. But not first without them splitting open a few heads, smashing a few noses, and filling up many emergency rooms with their fellow countrymen who were only guilty of being in the wrong place at the right time. Only if the Marines return and establish Ocean Park as the new Vieques will this one avoid becoming civil war.

Buy the ticket, take the ride. Mahalo. This one's going all the way. But who could blame them. Only global domination is a sport more deadly then politics, and this one has been rigged to get out of control fast. Both sides have been chumming the water with sliced up puppies and kittens. And as they float and bob, the political sharks on both sides are starting to chew and gnaw on anything that moves. In a massive avalanche of text messages and Blackberry messaging, with sore and bleeding thumbs, alliances are being negotiated, children are being offered, bribes are flying across the airwaves in wild eyed attempts to save their asses, their careers, their fortunes. Deals are being cut, the weak are surrendering, and the sacrificial lambs are being purified. The only thing left to see is who will be left standing to take the fall, and believe it brother, some one will have to pay.

.... And with a weird taste of nicotine, wild turkey and psilocybin on my tongue, I wake up with unexplained bruises and scars up and done my forearms as if I've been beaten by a nightstick, I'm back. But as I sit with a throbbing head amongst the carnage that is my office I have the strangest feeling this essence isn't done with me yet.